"JUST FRIENDS?"
How dare you be?!
Yet, the world must try and categorize their friendship- girl friends, boy friends, lovers, like a brother or a sister, or a daughter or son or parent...bla blah-....and the minute it does not fit into a category, they start questioning the purpose, the morals, the probable do's and dont's...and more often than not, the world will either ensure that the friendship dies or the two are forced to disengage or everyone will push them into making a choice they may not even want to make, had no intention of making in the first place!
Why can't people let others be? Remember the "live and let live" policy- what happened to that? Why must each and every relation be slotted into well defined categories-and if so, why not build a new category? why be so afraid of something new? Is this really the free world we live in?
Questions that I am sure have concerned many others. Especially when it comes to a friendship between a man and a woman. I understand insecurities of any relationship rather well. Men and women alike are wary of their better halves having "bff" of the opposite sex- and in many cases, their doubts and fears are not unfounded. Platonic friendships are not so common and ones that remain so in the long run may even be less common if not really rare. However, getting entangled in an 'affair' would be the case where the two people look at each other only from the point of view of belonging to different sexes.... (and why sometimes even if they do, they may not even find each other attractive!!)....anyway, what happens when you look at another soul as just a soul- someone you share with on an intellectual level, someone whom you have deep respect for...someone for whom you wish well like you would for every loved one-which, by the by, includes wishing them a happy married life too...what would you say when you rejoice at seeing them happy with their love....and include the wish that they stay happy in your daily prayers.....? ah now- that is something that our well organised, "used- to-category-wise-slotting" society cannot fathom or understand. The term "just a friend" just ain't acceptable. There has to be something more than that- if there isn't, there will be, etc etc etc....oh puhleeeeeeez!!! Trust in most relationships is so fragile and the insecurity of being cheated upon so high that it makes the best of men and women susceptible to jealousy and mistrust of their partners. Once the doubts and fears step in it's almost impossible to think otherwise...and most people prefer to be safe than sorry, they are so afraid of losing control that they just cut any chance of a friendship blossoming- this may happen by way of threats, fights, tantrums and perhaps in the rarest of cases over a civil discussion- but most friends I know do ask their partners to cut contact with the so-called friend of the opposite gender. Stories from others and movies don't help the case much either- most movies will show best friends ending up in a romantic liaison in the end. Well, they do have to cater to the taste of the general crowd :p!
How many great friendships must have been lost, I wonder, sacrificed at the altar of these fragile trusts and insecurities- at the same time, how many relationships must have been saved by one letting go just to please the other partner- and how many broke down?
I cannot really judge which way is the right way...at the end everyone makes a choice and then just lives with the consequences....but I do think that somewhere it stays in your heart if you have to give up on something as pure as "friendship" in the true sense...rare as these are... losing one can never be easy! The pain, often buried deep, will always stay and will come back to haunt you in some weak moments. I prefer to think that the happy memories will wash away any pain and true friends will just always remain so- connected at some invisible level which does not need physical contact-till a time when they can meet again and not have to worry about norms and other peoples insecurities shadowing that friendship!
Foolish I may be, but I sincerely believe that friendships -even those between men and women-can be truly just "friendships"without ulterior motives defining the relationship...I have faced flak for believing in this and it does not bother me- the smug smile that crosses my face when I think of a few rare friends I do know of is enough to reinforce my belief and endorse even more respect for them...:) :) :)
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